“A mother wound, which can be carried through generations, is how your mother’s unprocessed trauma impacted you. This could influence one’s relationships with self as well as with others and one’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being.”
– Avanti N. Rastogi
My mother wound showed up throughout my life in overwhelming ways: deep inadequacy, low self esteem, substance abuse, difficulties in forming healthy romantic partnerships and yo-yoing back and forth between codependency and excessive independence.
Authentic self expression was a struggle.
Setting healthy boundaries was challenging.
My ability to nurture and care for myself and others was almost nonexistent.
Healing my mother wound took years of learning and practicing how to gently nourish myself, allowing myself to safely feel all of my pain, joy and every emotion in between and fully committing to taking care of myself no matter how complex or difficult life was for me.
Grieving the loss of the mother I wished I had was an important part of the process.
But one of the most significant things that helped me with healing my mother wound was stepping outside of my perspective as a child and seeing her through the lens of a grown woman:
an adult grappling with her own unhealed trauma and brokenness, the painful reality of domestic abuse and all the challenges that came with being a woman in a patriarchal culture and society;
being an ethnic woman in an era where mental health resources were not only few and far between but also stigmatized, underrepresented and scarce for her demographic;
all of this coupled with the stress of working full time, completing a degree, an inactive social life, single handedly dealing with every household duty and caring for two young children, a couple of pets and elderly parents with barely any emotional support from her spouse.
I don't know how I would have done it myself.
The day I put myself in her shoes and saw the world from her viewpoint was the day I was introduced to Empathy.
Grace.
Understanding.
Compassion.
Generational Healing.
Healing my mother wound has taught me that I am not here to simply endure my life.
There is no badge of honor for being a long-suffering woman.
And though I was raised by a woman who had fewer choices and believed that self-sacrifice was the rent that women had to pay to plod through life, I now get to boldly, proudly and unapologetically say:
NO MORE.
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