Responsibility

10 years ago, I was presented with a fork in the road:

Did I want to continue along my current path, do the same things I had seen generations of family members do all their lives and become another replica of the people in my community?

OR

Did I want to follow the calling of my soul, walk an unknown path alone with nothing but blind faith and uncover the truth?

An option that made no sense.

I chose no sense.

Now here I am a decade later, meeting and getting to know my true self for the very first time!

“The true self refers to a sense of self based on authentic experience, and the feeling of being truly present and alive. The false self is a defensive façade, behind which the person can feel empty, its behaviours being learnt and controlled rather than spontaneous and genuine.” – Niall McKeever

Getting to this place has been quite the journey.

This experience is simultaneously exciting and difficult.

And some days it’s really painful.

One of the things I struggle with the most is feeling overly responsible for other people’s emotions, reactions and overall wellbeing then using it as an excuse to self sabotage my new found freedom that comes with being my true self.

When I was a child, I had to learn (very early and very quickly) how to navigate my parents’ mood swings, bad tempers, lack of emotional regulation, addictions and energetic imbalance.

I discovered that not ruffling any feathers, not rocking the boat, not asking questions, not “talking back” and not being my true self was what I needed to do to receive love, approval and validation.

So I put tremendous effort into being small, accommodating and silent.

It was a crash course on how to shape shift and be passive in the face of mistreatment in order to feel a sense of belonging.

It became a pattern that stayed with me into adulthood.

No child should ever have to be put in a position to navigate such a treacherous minefield.

It’s a huge sense of relief to grow up and realize that IT WAS NEVER and STILL IS NOT my job to be responsible for anyone else’s mood swings, mental health struggles or inability to self regulate.

And when I come face to face with this struggle (sometimes daily), I have to remind myself of one thing: my only responsibility is ME.

My responsibility is to reflect and become aware of my thoughts, patterns and energetic frequency.

My responsibility is to own my mistakes and learn to regulate my nervous system.

My responsibility is to become very intentional about how I choose to show up in all the different areas of my life.

My responsibility is to self advocate, set healthy boundaries and communicate clearly and effectively.

My responsibility is to take care of my own energy, emotions and experiences.

As a result, I show up as a happier, kinder and more vibrant person, the people around me have the pleasure of enjoying the good energy I bring to the table, then they walk away with more energy, motivation and inspiration to also be intentional with their approach to life.

It’s a win-win-win situation.